New Year's Eve

New Year's eve happens once a year thankfully.  It has so many negatives I'll focus on one of the good ones.

The Y2K, or 1999/2000 New Years celebration was fun.  Drink of choice was Baby Duck champagne or champoo.  My best friend and I went to a house party in Richmond, British Columbia.  A great bunch of people were there.

At midnight the host and hostess regretted not turning the main power to the house.  I would've loved it if they did.  We partied like it was 1999 until midnight. 

The goal for this New Year is to  sleep through it.

Snow Storms

The snow is falling and we can expect more.  Storms had this energy about them and I used to feel it.  Now the storms bring migraines.

Snow days were so much fun as a kid.  My power wheelchair needs a plow in front of it and an awning over the top.  Then the weather can be enjoyed.  That would help me earn extra cash by plowing neighbours' driveways!  That would be neat.

Sleep, or really the amount of it, would be nice.  I fell asleep in the power wheelchair twice and I wish It was easier.  Ah, the complaints.  So, I'll bid you farewell until tomorrow.  And thank goodness I get to spend the day in bed.

oh so tired

I'm thinking I'm clicking letters and I'm not.

The goal for me regarding this blog is not to complain about anything but it's impossible for me not to when I'm this tired.  I have no energy to find a positive.  Hopefully tomorrow will be different.

http://www.xmarkjenkinsx.com/images/walker.jpg

Dementia

Dementia is no fun, but it can be funny.   It looks like a coping mechanism by others to find humour in those difficult situations.   It's hard living beside a dementia patient.  But I'll always find the humour.

My Step-Grampy became hospitalized and died with dementia. On Mom's side.  My Step-uncle died very young with it.  On my Father's side.  All of it is so sad.  Both sides of my family with the illness.

The illness is a lot like my Multiple Sclerosis in many ways.  The familiar is often recognized.  Change totally screws me up.  At 3pm I feel weird and tired beyond belief.  My memory is recalling nothing or at least very little.  Moving  here was a big and tiring change.  It is a necessary change I'd need to make eventually,

My brain hurts.

I Thought It Waa Wednesday?!?!

And we'll put another little tree right here.. Mentally I'm on the tropical beach drinking myself more mental.  Thinking clear is a thing I used to do.  Oh well, who does?

And the snow blanketed us a little late for Christmas this year.  If only I had snow boots and a snow suit.  Or the muzzle I need so I'll be quiet.  At least for a bit.  The throat will thank you. 

Boxing Day

I miss Boxing Day in British Columbia, Canada where people sleep outside all night waiting for a store to open. 

Really, I have no focus.  I set-up my computer late and without it I'm brain-dead.  I'll return tomorrow.

Christmas

The love is felt.  A stocking and treat bag were in front of me when I awoke.  The people here are angels in regular peoples' clothing.

Can you remember your favourite Christmas? National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is included in mine. 

But this Grinch saw her heart grow then shrink again.  At least it grew.

Christmas Eve

Yep, another Christmas. As the feeling of love from everyone is felt and is given back.  Even though I'm in a LTC facility, It is felt.

This floor in the facility is decorated like a Winter wonderland.  Everyone is full of good cheer and so nice. Like someone mentioned yesterday, we're a family here.  After my first three weeks here, it's really felt.

Christmas will always be different. Time to make new traditions.

I've Lost That Lovin' Feeling

I think I lost that loving feeling.  The feeling you get when you want a future with.  A partner, so you can share yourself.  I have zero desire to experience that loving feeling again.

My former relationships (luckily, very few) leave me so unhappy, I do not ever want to ever want a romantic relationship.

*Subject Change*

My new favourite subject changer or starter:  "So, how about them Jays?"  Yep, I said it.  To my brother, nonetheless.  Regardless, I haven't an idea if it's even baseball season! 

Another Word Lesson

Okay, another word lesson.  All of these words are used regularly by me:

• Realistically
• Conclude
• Compassionate
• Cutaneous 
• Plethora 

Drake music  is my current addiction.  An Ipod is what I'm considering for music storage.  I'll finally be cool.

I'm Late

I'm posting a snap-shot of one of my many google map visit to Spain.  Thanks to google maps, I've been able to travel from the comforts of home.  I've to Antarctica.

Sleep

I'm too tired to think.  Tired.  I went out last night to see xmas lights with other residents.  First evening out in years.  Of course I am feeling sick 5 minutes into the drive.  I want to sleep.  I need sleep.

Yep. I need sleep.  I have nothing to write. 

uhhgggg

What am I to write about today?  I'm too tired to think and it's to crappy outside to care at this point.

I love the LTC facility as it has helped me with something I haven't done in years.  Although I feel less and less energy each passing  day that , it goes to show I may feel sick but not in some ways.  I am too tired.

Sleepy Dreams

Yep.  I fully understand the expression no rest for the wicked.  I'm sweating, I'm irritable and I'm questioning myself.  Great combination.  I love it when lovely when body rhythms take over.  I'm about to become very irritated  Yeh!

Okay, Ms. Negativity if off to dream about sleep and discomfort -free life.

Monday Morning

Today marks my two week mark in the LTC facility.  I'm at a loss for words.  It's been interesting.  I've experienced things I haven't in years.  It's a learning experience for everyone.  I feel a scary level of fatigue while we wait.  I feel as though I'm teetering on the edge of losing the consciousness. 

I am so sleepy and so paranoid.  Adjustments to living in a LTC facility, understandably.  I am stuck in my confused body.  I realize I'm too honest and speak my mind before I have time to know what I'll say.  I began this years ago not knowing what I'll say before I say it.  I used to be able to filter my thoughts like most people.

At least you'll always get the truth from me.

Mornings

So, I'm too inwardly focused on my body to have something to discuss anything.

Even after breakfast, I'm uncomfortable.  Last night my blood pressure was 60/100 or is it 100/60?  This is where my brain shows how poor my memory is today.. Eeep.  For the chick with high blood pressure it's not good,  It's not horrible as it began to rise immediately and it's  not that bad.

But I am tired.  Farewell for now.

Nothingness

I'm aware I know a lot of words.  I don't know how I know most of them.  I learned a lot in university.  A lot of words like "scalawag" came from the family, "cordial" (the liquor) came from Lucy Maud Montgomery/Anne of Green Gables, and "discombobulated" from Del La Funky Homosapiens or Much Music.

I'm teaching a lady here some words.  You know "facetious" is something I'm teaching her.

I'm unable  to use small words unless they're unknown like "onus".  And even though my brain isn't working in someways, my love of words isn't.  I don't realise my to-everyone-else daunting vocabulary.

So here are some words I use a lot:

•  Aspire
•  Aspiration
•  Plethora 
•  Copious
•  Loathe 

Have fun learning a few words.

saying goodbye

At some point in everybody's life, we have to say "goodbye" to someone or something we love.  I have said "goodbye" so many times in my life (a whole 34 years), it amazes me it never gets easier.  The number of people/things we've said "goodbye" to increases.  The pain or pleasure may vary.

Do you remember your grade one teachers' name?  I can remember Allan, breaking my wrist, and Jason; I can't remember my teachers name.  I learned how to print the alphabet in a cast.

But regardless, at the end of the year, I thought very little about saying "goodbye".  How many teachers do we keep in contact with?    I developed empathy around this time.  I was overjoyed when I said "goodbye" to our grade six classroom; it was a mobile classroom outside our school..  We had to go outside to the main school if we needed to us the washroom.

But at some point we must say "goodbye" to people and thing.  I've said "hello" more times than "goodbye" which is what I try to remember when I say "goodbye". 

Me - Part 11

Here's the last instalment of Adrienne (Me) - 101.

92.  I dislike hypocrisy;
93.  I like fairness;
94.  I am very friendly;
95.  I prefer being alone, but know it's not possible;
96.  I miss fast-food fries
97.  I am becoming a shell slowly;
98.  The Internet is my religion;
99.  I miss retaining lots of information;
100.  I love water (drinking & bodies of water); and
101.  I am okay at all times; my mantra. 

I'm sitting in bed @ 8:46 am wondering when I get to get up.  I hope I get to get up.  I am tired so really it's great.  I'm so tired.

Really, I complain more when I'm tired.  That's why I'm complaining. Blah, blah, blah.

Me - Part 10

Okay, my brain is becoming dull again.  No one sees this.  It's like the "brain fog" is getting thicker.  Anyway,  here it is:

82.  I hate gossip - I finally am keeping quiet;
83.  My head hurts - fifth day in a row.  I love complaining;
84.  I want to do the right thing, but I don't;
85.  I wish I could talk loud;
86.  I think of palm trees in the wind when it's howling out;
87.  I love stickers;
88.  I have five sticker albums, still;
89.  I have a hard time letting go;
90.  I force myself to change quick; and
91.  I do this (blog) to exercise my brain.

Thank goodness I only have to write eight more things about me.  I still hate talking about  me.  

Me - Part 9

Number 9. Number 9.

70.  I love the ocean;
71.  I love google maps;
72.  I've been on the Pyramids, Eiffel Tower, Montserrat, and many other places thanks to google maps;
73  I want to donate my hair for a wig;
74.  I love etymology;

75.  I'm becoming less excited about the Christmas season each year that passes;
76.  I feel like a dried up sponge;
77.  I want to sleep;
78.  At 34 years old, I've seem too many people/animals die;
79.  I took a course on "Death & Dying" in university;
80.  I miss using my legs;  and
81.  I smile a lot, everyday daily.

Me - Part 8

Okay, part 8:

62.  I'm still tired;
63.  I'm losing my memory;
64.  At least I'll always remember this;
65.  I need to be alone;
66.  I'm having a hard time with Adrienne 101 as I can't think straight;
67.  I love my defence mechanism, comedy;
68.  I am in love with the Internet;
69.  I love Bob Marley;
70.
71.

until tomorrow.

Me - Part 7

Okay, brain tired.  Neanderthal Adrienne present.  Ughh...

58.  I look forward to donating my hair for a wig;
59,  Uhhh... I love having energy; I fondly remember that one day in 1995;
60.  I'll start this again tomorrow.

5:30 am Fire Alarm

5:30 am fire alarm's are not fun.  Especially when they're false.  Yeah!  Code red all clear at 6 am.  I can't believe how jealous I am of the smokers right now. 

I have nothing to write.  My head hurts.

Me - Part 6

All about me, part 6:

52.  My first MP3 player had 256 MB of memory with a memory card;
53.  I'm uncomfortable in my own skin;
54.  I force myself outside my comfort-zone constantly;
55.  I realize I am having a very hard time doing this, describing myself;
56. I'm often saying the wrong thing;
57.  I'm tired and am stopping for now.

Me - Part 5

I wish I had something witty to say.  Not today.

42.   I love the quiet;
43.   I sit with earphones in without music playing;
44.   I considered Russian Studies & Astrophysics in University;
45.   I am lucky in weird way; buy the ticket after me;
46.   I'm 34 years young;
47.   My favourite animal is an elephant;
48.   My favourite colour is red;

49.   I have had glasses since I was two;
50.  My name means "the dark one" in French; and
51.  I have admitted to my grandmother I'm Pfizer's Bitch.  Hehe! 

Me - Part 4

Here I go, again:

32.  I almost became a CCA (Home care/PCW);
33.  I want sleep;

34.  I still want to live on a beach;

35.  I've been forgetting what I've written;
36.  I hope my roommate isn't driven too crazy by me;
37.  I am hard to get blood from;

38.  My blood-pressure was 200/160 at it's highest;
39.  I have become a very grumpy person;
40.  I miss eating popcorn daily; and

41.  I love Pepsi.

I'm really looking forward to a wheelchair-accessible place on the beach.  I'll need a lift above my hammock.

Ode to Brian.

This is my ode to Brian, the man with the often mis-spelled name, brain.  As a lovely lady enters the room.  I was at her brothers' house the other night.  Damn I'm tired.

Okay, Brian wanted me to discuss him.  He works as a recreation leader/manager.  I'm sure he will correct me.  Luckily he will soon join me in retirement.  I haven't been able to travel, hopefully he can.

Brian is very helpful.  Also he's very nice.  Isn't this my blog?  Perhaps it's Brian's!

Me - Part 3

Here I go:

22.  I'm too polite;
23.  I apologise for everything;
24.  I thank my roommate for everything;
25.  I have an A-type personality stuck in a B-type body;
26.  My ankle hurts in rainy weather, it hurts today;
27.  I love popcorn;
28.  I used to eat it daily;
29.  Country music is the music I dislike the most;
30.  I eat rice cakes for breakfast and enjoy them;
31.   I hate my bleeding heart but know it's a good thing.

More tomorrow.

Me - Part Deux (2)

Okay, let's get started with my list.  All about my favourite topic, me:

1. a
2. a
3. a
4. a
5. a
6. a
7. a
8. a
9. a
10. a
11. a
12. I am more allergic to saline (what we cry and are made-up of); 
13. I am a cat person who also loves dogs;
14. I live in a nursing home (LTC Facility);
15. There's one person younger than me on this floor;
16. I don't believe in marriage, but am monogamous;
17. I am forgetful;
18. What was the purpose of this? Hehe;
19. I need to stay in bed more;
20. I hate being so blunt sometimes and not blunt enough at others;
21. I have high blood pressure.

Me - Part 1

All about me.  I don't think I'll ever tire of this topic.  I think I'll do it the way I know best.

Adrienne 101

1. I love positivity, yet am often negative;
2. I have Multiple Sclerosis and sadly, it has progressed;
3.  I forget a lot of stuff;
4. I have Celiac Disease;
5. I had a procedure to blast a gall-stone and it caused gall-bladder attack;  
6. I had my gall-bladder already out;
7. I have osteoarthritis;
8. I have been in a power wheelchair since 2008;
9. My chair looks like it has a proton pack;
10. I love water;
11. I miss beer (I shouldn't drink with Celiac Disease or my medication)

I will continue tomorrow.

What I Love Most

I love it have a very short memory.  I started this blog hours ago and I've forgotten why I thought of this.

It's been a fun day filled with adventures.  One person had me say I'm staying with her brother's house while she cleans it while he's away.

As I prepare for my stay at someone's brother's house, I'm off.

My Spirit

My spirit is drained.  I don't expect to have a red carpet rolled out for me and I've always hated asking for things.  I've always spoken-up for the needs of others first. I'm very kind and considerate.  Or so I pray.

I have to develop my back-bone and speak for myself.  When the spirit is low, my energy is also low and I can't speak for myself.

So... Another

I'm here, my head is killing me.  At least I was able to sleep for  longer than four hours.  Otherwise,  I'm so tired.

Internet but no Phone

My phone is disconnected, but I have God, or the Internet.  I'm moving to my new home without my cat.  She also has no new home yet.

I'm so afraid of sleep and not being able to fall asleep.  I'm in a semi-private room by the door. 

I don't want to chat too much.  I'm too emotional.

Moving

So I move tomorrow to a long term care facility.  Mixed emotions are what I have about it.  I'm 34 years old and hoped I'd see my last days in my own home.  I've had my cat, Lulu, for seven years.  She's seven.  I'll miss her so much. 

I want to start vlogging this experience on Youtube but am too vain.  I don't want to show my tear streaked cheeks.


Otherwise, I don't know when I will post next.  I hope it will be soon.

so...

My head is spinning.

I move to Northwood Monday and have to reduce my bachelor apartment to a half-room.

Like a whirlpool that never ends.

I maybe interrupted  because of my internet.

Decisions

Decisions are something we confront constantly.  There's generally good outcomes, but imagine the outcome if a differently.

Could I have had any of my current conditions sooner, just undetected?  But considering there were no abnormal event meaning testing for whatever and decisions were necessary.

Also, I'm osteoarthritic.   *insert sarcastic voice*  Yeah!  I think the decision was made to send me to an Endocrinologist for fortifying my bones.  I don't wanna give up Pepsi.  Oh, a new decision.

Another Post

Another lovely post.  I hate how I cry wolf.  I am told something, I share, and I am sharing fibs.  Now I'll be telling the truth.  All I want for Christmas is an LTC facility.  And Northwood  here I come. 

It is Christmas at Adrienne's house for the first time since I was 15 years old.  I have a new home in one week and a new camera to record the process.  I was smiling when I found out. I'm overwhelmed with emotion.

Losing my cat, Lulu, is the hardest thing out of everything.  The noise may be another issue.  I feel overwhelmed.

All will work out fine in the end.  That is my mantra.   Don't ask me what a mantra is though.  I'd assume it's like words to live by...

Sunday Morning

I am uncertain what Sunday mornings consist of for most.  I seem to forget every one after 17 years old to a few months ago.  Interesting, but that's MS.  It's remitting for the moment.

Sunday morning often smelled of coffee and bacon.  I'm the vegetarian bacon-eater who doesn't drink coffee.  The two scents I enjoy most, especially together.  I love going into a coffee shop mainly because of the lovely aroma.  I love going into Tim Horton's and taking a big whiff.  I loved out west at the beginning of the Starbucks craze.

As for bacon, I always loved the taste and scent.  I ate zero bacon between the ages of 17 to late-20s.  I didn't ever buy meat, I've only nibbled on bacon when my family had some on their plate.  My Grandmother, Mother, and I must eat overly-crisp bacon.  I am a vegetarian bacon-eater and gladly admit it.  It's been years since I've had it :(  I'll trade my computer for a pig - okay, no I won't...

So I'll wrap-up for now.  Damn I'm uncomfortable.  I can hear the  neighbours... 

empty seriously

empty

parking

As if parking here wasn't hard enough.  We need someone seen with a firearm pointed at a window  two blocks away. 

http://www.news957.com/news/local/article/422536--gun-call-closes-robie-through-morning


Parking just became much more interesting.

LTC Facility

I've been waiting and Northwood (a Long Term Care Facility {LTC}) is reviewing my application.  Basically they are seeing if they have proper living arrangements for me (i.e., they can provide Celiac friendly food, a large enough room because of my chair/table).  I will find out in a few days.

So I am also getting a new digital camera today too.  I will put myself on Youtube soon.  I need an HDMI micro cable then I'm able to post in HD.  I'm planning to share all of the moving experience too, if I move.

I have so much to do!

morning

So, waking with a migraine sucks. I'm wishing the clamp on my head was gone - even though of course it's a figure of speech.  I hope to write later.

tired..

As always, I'm way to tired.  I feel drained of energy, yet not as tired I need to sleep.  Well, I guess I'll try to sleep and see.

Music

I grew up with two cool, music-loving, parents.  The album covers were fun to look at and grow to love.  My absolute favourite band is The Doors and I was able to listen to albums of theirs. 

Harvest Moon  by Neil Young  it was a favourite album of mine.  But I really loved After The Gold Rush, by Neil Young.  I was my Fathers' child.  Dad loved (may still love) Neil Young.  I also bought Neil Young's Harvest Moon CD in the 90s.

I was so fortunate my parents loved music and shared it with my brother and me.  Who can honestly say they've held an eight-track?

6:27am

So it's around my normal annoying wake up time.  I have to wait until 8am to see another person.  I am too awake to sleep,  yet all I do is yawn and I'm tired enough to sleep, well almost.
I'll try to sleep again...

Zombie?

If I was bitten by zombie, as a disabled person in  a wheelchair, would I become a walking zombie or a wheelchair, lower half non-feeling, alive and human-eating zombie?

Can you tell I'm watching a lot of The Walking Dead? I don't want to lose interest in  it, then forget where I'm at.  Adrienne is off to Netflix!

20s

In my early 20s I went from overly confident woman to one whom feared walking.  My 30th birthday brought a power wheelchair.  My 31st brought a raised toilet seat.  I found retirement due to my health.

I forget my 32nd birthday.  I want to say it was because I was drunk at the club and dancing; but it's a lie.  I was home, like today, enjoying the gentle hum of a computer gazing into a screen.


 As I approach my current age, I hate writing about it.  At age 32, I forget this day.  I'm sure I must have not wanted to do anything.  #33 was spent in bed.  I had a minor surgery a week before.  I couldn't sit safely  in my power wheelchair.  I needed a new chair.  My 33rd birthday marked this sicker, more forgetful Adrienne.  My last drink of wine was then.

I'm so sad most of the time.  I'm just silly with others so it's  not to sad dealing with me.

I finally realize how distant from life

I didn't know the US election was yesterday.

Should it matter to me being Canadian?  How many Americans know Canada has a Prime Minister?  Also, how many Canadians know the day and four year frequency of the American election?

I know it happens in the Autumn.  It reminds me of beer and an old friend.  And him telling me about his eventual wife.

Lost

I'm not nearly as accurate as before.  I feel lost.    I don't have a clue what I want.  I know what I don't want but accept that it'll happen anyway.

There was a course I took in University on "Death & Dying" (I'm not dying) which describes the process we usually go through if we're dying and have time to process our death.  I've always been morbid and raw when talking about death.

So...

I sit here pleasantly waiting for supper.  Well, I'm actually hungry.   And the burning smell hurts my head.  Luckily my food and head aren't burning.

16 Degree Temperature Change

My life is so hectic.  No wonder I forget  so much.  Between nurses and home support workers, only five a day.  I'm amazed I'm not having more mental challenges.  Recall has never been a strong.

And temperature fluctuations suck.  I get so sick from them.  At least I'm still here to complain about it.

My on-sceen  keyboard keeps turning French on me.  I've completely lost my thoughts.

My Mom & brother helped me buy a camera today.  I'm only tripling my current 4 MP (Megapixel) camera.  I look forward to using it.  It's shock-proof from 1.5m;  I'm sure I'll drop frequently.

I have one of the nagging headaches.   It has been here for days.  I've had migraines for the past few mornings.

The Waiting Game

I am waiting for homecare to arrive, but yet I always feel this way.  I always have five health care professionals in my home daily.  I'm on the "Urgent Placement" list to find a bed in a LTC (Long-term care) Facility.  Nova Scotia's Healthcare needs changes.  I've been on the list for 30 days now.  I have many health issues (also including my Celiac diet).

I'm not as urgent as unstable folks in the hospitals and this is fair.  Even though I may not always put others first, I try to be fair. 

2:26 pm 12-apr-12

To communicate, we used to make paint or carve things on rock. I have recently lost my neat teacher-like printing skills. I am becoming more vocal in a nonsense kind of way. I only say gibberish and not what I mean.

My right hand is the only hand able to type and it ceases up in the cold. But thankfully my typing has improved because I've posted comments on online forums .

Anywho, I'm tired from typing.

Adrienne out..