November 9

I can't see what I write and I am upset that I can't tell anyone what's wrong and I am not able to see.

the other day

I have noticed coincidences since I was a kid. I have not noticed any in years. I listened to radio today learning Gord Downey the singer of the Tragically Hip .

October 3

i am finding it hard to write. I am not getting enough mental stimulation and my brain is getting dumb. I am very lost. I now understand scrambled brain or jumbled thoughts.

August 9

I don't like blood and I am nauseous when I see it. I will help how I can but I will feel sick. I have been through too many and feel sick thinking about it. Why I felt like nursing would be not be for me. I love people though.

I am thinking the same way as our parents must have when I was younger. Looking at Peggy's Cove I never saw more than six people there and can remember being alone and sitting beside the lighthouse. I am not able to get over the quantity of visitors and I can only imagine how much my parents see changed.

I am still not able to listen to Slayer. They were on the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and I have known people who love them so I gave them another chance. I still am not a fan of heavy rock. I am able to listen to anything else. Today is my five year anniversary for moving on the floor. I am sad because I am admitting I can not care for myself anymore and I need help. I have been here in the facility since December 2012. I just really miss independence and I wish I was. I was 18 years old when I moved out and 34 years old when I moved into long term care and was never married and no kids. I retired at 31 years old. If you are disabled and willing to live below poverty retirement is a possible. I'm glad to be Canadian because I would be dead already in the United States of America. It makes me very sad to think of the suffering people that already suffer from illness. I'm glad the family I have down there have money. I get too upset about it.

Are people who are against abortion only for human life? Mould is alive. Are people Vegan? I never knew anyone who participated in protested or outwardly opposed abortion. I was raised in the Catholic Church and if practised I believe that but I am Pro-choice. I could not personally have an abortion but I think if I was raped I might. I think it's cruel to the woman to be forced to keep it. I'm not able to decide for anyone else but me.

June 20

I am having a hard time remembering and I am scared because I might not remember the people I love. I am very sad about this and cry when I think and I consider the pain they will experience watching me deteriorate. I am very tired of loss because I have been loosing my health since 23. I'm often minimizing things I need help with so I ask for less help. I am not getting the help I need. And now I'm not remembering and I am getting confused when I forget. I keep watching TV.

June 26

I have a lot of drafts of the start of a blog I forgot so I will randomly choose one each time I write in August. I have 40 and I have too many. I am really unsure of myself today. I feel my blogs are too short. I am very critical of myself I am not sure of myself either. I was very confident when I came here four and a half years ago. I am sicker (expectedly). I am told expectedly is not a word so I n to find out... I forget so quickly and leave the blog, I forget. Blogs now take days to finish. Oh well I guess I changed. I am a lot more patient too.

June 25

I am one month and nine days until I am 39. I am not ashamed of my age because it's a number and I will always think that. I am half blaming Accounting and the other was a song by Aaliyah age ain't nothing but a number. I loved her voice. I thought her voice was beautiful.

June 17

I am compulsive I am not able to control my self in any way at times and I was able to handle every thing better when I had more caffeine and different food. I have many little things about my health and I have a hard time remembering all the little things. I also was not only dealing with one agency and I was able to talk. Can anyone explain if I am understanding the air gets thinner as you get higher and I have lung problems and live on the eleventh floor get higher than sea level? I had no lung problems when I was at Rogers Pass. I have been across Canada 5 times but I am not sure. And it is not return too.

June 11

I thought this was funny and I wondered why we raise our pinkies with tea. It is French and how a person indicated that they were Sexually ill. Chelsea Handler taught me that and I just had to share.

June 10

Happy birthday to many people today I am thinking of you. I know many people who were born today. I am fatigued easily and I take a break and forget what I am doing. I am easily distracted. ADD isn't what I have.

I don't like it when I please other people because I agree with something so that the other person can leave. I am not caring about me.

I was wish I remembered the number of this blog

I hate to admit it but I no longer as creative as a year ago. I am very sad if I am like this in the future. I am not adjusting well. I hate admitting it. I never used the word hate until this year. Well I did not write it but I said it. I don't like the word and stopped saying that word trying to omit negative words from my vocabulary. I went years without using it which I am very proud of.

I keep saying I need to say a lot...

but I quickly forget. I am overheating daily a few times because it is almost a regular thing. If only my body temperature changed as quickly. I am forgetting again. I get so upset about it and I try to think of how I can change the situation. I think I need more caffeine then I have because of family genetics. My Mom and Grand mother loved coffee so I am thinking I am a tea person and I am not having enough caffeine as a coffee drinker. I am also receiving the loading sign on YouTube and that helps me forget. I am so lost and that makes me sad. I really understand why marijuana is often used for MS. it helps you forget and it helps numbthe pain physically and mentally.

One Year

I have had my tablet for a year now and I think I have to spend the rest of my life writing what I need. I hate writing it because I edit what I need help with to accommodate the person who is helping me instead. I'm not able to concentrate in nursing care as I am required to be able to receive treatment when it is offered. I'm loosing any zest for any thing needing energy. I hear stuff I don't know I know. Sadly I loose track of what I am writing. I'm pontificating. What's the definition to pontificate

Next Blog

I am using the blog as a forum for my thoughts. I feel very bad for when I was younger and I cheated on my boyfriend. Now that I know that I might have had multiple sclerosis it makes sense. I never cheated on anyone else. I kissed him when I was close to breaking up with another person. I am too considerate. So Jamie I am sorry for all the pain I caused. I really am very sorry for being selfish but I was young and thought I knew everything but I am a lot humbled by growing up. I have downloaded a 90s compilation and it was nostalgic. I have been alone for 10 and I am unsure if I can be in a relationship again. Being sick makes me more apologetic.

Go I'm very sorry about not I got the I stopped talking because started getting frustrated with themselves and their stress is something I Naturally feel. I try to avoid any negative feeling and I feel this and I avoid speaking. I naturally do a lot and I don't know I am. I stopped talking because started getting frustrated with themselves and their stress is something I Naturally feel. I try to avoid any negative feeling and I feel this and I avoid speaking. I naturally do a lot and I don't know I am. I stopped talking because started getting frustrated with themselves and their stress is something I Naturally feel. I try to avoid any negative feeling and I feel this and I avoid speaking. I naturally do a lot and I don't know I am.

A challenge

I am going to write a blog. I am not full of topics like when I was younger.I am not as quick mentally but I am older than I was and even though each person who is have a memory issues. My Mom and Grand mother had issues with memory and I have inherited a?let lot of the health issues. I hide things from myself so I am crafty and I am a lot like my Grandmother so issues with memory and the brain.

#7

My goal s a blog everyday. I have no job so I will not have that as a reason why. I am a different person in the way I approached blogging as I am caring much less about how I am portrayed. What will stay me is my health. This is one.

#6

I know I can get fast at blogging. I am able to luckily. I would go even crazier if I did not. I am so tired of waiting I think of how people did before they had technology. I can only imagine. I am so tired. I will explain my exciting life. I am now a mute quadriplegic. I read Helen Keller books as a kid so I am lucky to not blind too. I also think about what I could not have and I am humbled. I am able to read and don't have to learn braille.

again

I keep trying to write a blog post but I am easily distracted and my Web browser kept crashing and I kept forgetting what I was doing.  I took an hour with interruptions to write two lines. oh well.